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Shit I May or May Not Resolve To Do in 2010
Resolution, Schmesalution….well you get the picture. Seriously, I’m not one to make New Year’s resolutions because I’ll admit that I never keep them. Ever. It’s too much responsibility and pressure and really, why would I vow to do something in January that I wasn’t willing to do in July? This year, however, I feel compelled to do something. Maybe because it’s the beginning of a new decade (probably not – I mean, who cares, really?) or maybe because 2009 was a really shitty year, I don’t know, but I’m going against the grain here and vowing to do or not do, certain things from now on. So without further ado (do any of you actually know what “ado” means? I don’t….but we don’t want any further of it)…….
In 2010 and forevermore, dubiousMa will:
** Stop taking the marijuana of the woman who has the bed next to my grandmother in the nursing home. I’m pretty sure she really does need it for medicinal purposes, even if she does wear tie-dyed housecoats and decorates her part of the wall with Grateful Dead needlepoint samplers.
** Start working with neglected children…..starting with my own.
** I will stop spending all day on the couch in my pajamas…..instead, I’ll bring the laptop into the bedroom. I feel so less pathetic that way.
** Stop considering joining a warehouse club….No matter how cheap it is, I do not need a 50-gallon drum of chocolate syrup.
** I won’t give up alcohol or Xanax, but I will try really really hard not to wash down the Xanax with alcohol. Baby steps, people!
** I will label the prescription bottles full of illicit tranquilizers that friends give me so that I actually take the correct pill this time.
** Uh, just to be on the safe side, I’ll pay the outstanding emergency room deductible from 2009…right away.
** I will stop contemplating violence when someone really pisses me off. I have a case pending…am about to be 40 soon for God’s sake!
** Uh, and in case that last one doesn’t pan out, I will carry the business card of a really good attorney with me at all times.
Make any ridiculous resolutions of your own for 2010? (Oh, and do you say two thousand and ten, or do you say twenty-ten?….just curious)
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Some great ideas here! As always you crack me up with your honesty. I think these things – you write them out! Just to clear things up I say Two Thousand Ten!
How can you NOT need a 50 gallon drum of chocolate syrup? It never goes bad. It goes really well with both red wine and xanax. I say both two thousand ten and twenty-ten, depending on the context and which one sounds better. The hard part is do we refer to this decade as “the 10’s” because that just sounds stupid.
MidLifeMama´s last blog ..But I don’t WANT to answer the phone
I say twenty-ten because I think it sounds cooler and it doesn’t seem like my mouth has to move as much. I don’t know, that’s just me….. Thanks Michele! I really try to never think before I speak. It’s not fun living that cautiously. And Mama, you know what? You’re right…..a 50 gallon drum of chocolate syrup is very versatile, I’d think.
I resolve to…uh…fuck resolutions.
Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Because I Hear That Humiliation Is All The Rage
I resolve to be more appreciative of the voices in my head. They are me, afterall…
Corey Freeman´s last blog ..Screw You, I’m Having Fun
Ah yes, don’t wash the Xanax down with alcohol. Yes yes that’s a good start
I hope you’re 2010 resolutions are in still progress…
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